3. Did you hear about the shag carpet?
He was known for his rugged good looks.
4. What did one sofa say to the other?
Couch me if you can
5. Pat and Tina had a child together.
He grew up to be quite distressed.
The line reads, It is such tufts / As dreams are made on.
8. Never embarrass your mattress.
Otherwise, you’ll make it plush!
9. A truck driver who makes mattress deliveries suffers from road rage.
He’s known for foaming at the mouth.
10. A husband and wife told a mattress salesperson that they each wanted separate beds.
The husband said, “I want a long Tempur-Pedic.” The salesperson recommended three King-sized options. Then, the wife said, “I would like a short Tempur.” The salesperson immediately screamed back, “Too bad!” and left in a rage.
A nearby kitchen sink exclaimed, “I counter!”
12. What bookends bookends?
We can’t tell you the punchline to this joke. It’s B.S.
13. What did the Buffet say to the Chandelier?
I’ll be there for you.
…but soon apologized once he learned that kids were, in fact, not being used as pillows.